Post #209- Here’s Khlari!!!!!

Post #209- What an enigma, uh? No, as some of you who are well aware of my techno-bimbo-ness may be aware, it was an accident, not a great and secret mystical revelation…..I accidentally posted twice, then couldn’t get it off, unfortunately…….

So here I am, back in the land of the have-nets, unfortunately since someone (HWCBN) chose to carefully destroy my PC at the same time as wrecking most of the other objects and clothes that I was fond of, I have no choice but to blog sporadically at work. I’m also now in the position of having two essays to write for my MA, and no PC to write them on. That’s the same person (HWCBN) who promised to make it possible for me to do my MA as well……

It must be very nice to earn about 2 1/2 times what someone else earns, destroy everything they possess pretty much, not just things that please them, but work clothes and things they need to work, like a PC, without caring that it will take them years to replace these, if they ever can.

Then telling the police that they had purchased them, when some of the things have been in the person’s possession since they were a teenager, claiming that they were worth a tenth of what they really were worth, and not having made a move to pay any kind of compensation in any case.

Then, to cap it all, despite all this, being happily able to take someone away for the weekend, whilst the person whose things have been destroyed cannot even do the things that they need to do, let alone being able to go away anywhere……

Not that I am bitter and twisted at all…who would be in my position? It wasn’t enough that I should struggle in my badly-paid job anyway, at least I had the things that I needed to cope for the moment…. I just needed somone to go and destroy all of these and put me back to zero…..for the third time, having lost all my things twice already…it’s a learning curve I didn’t need to go down again, believe me……

No, it’s not hard enough to combine an MA with a full-time job and bringing up a small child, when the original theory was that I would not be working and there would be shared childcare….If I had the benefit of seeing into the future I maybe would have done it in London otherwise……..

I don’t want to be sour, it’s just hard to see someone who’s inflicted a lot of harm get away scot-free, while I, yet again, pay the price that I can ill-afford both financially and emotionally.

It seems that I have to get some kind of ‘punishment’ over and over- for being happy with Andrea, I have to lose everything else I have, whilst others have their cake, eat it, and deprive others of theirs for no apparent reason.

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4 Responses to “Post #209- Here’s Khlari!!!!!”

  1. What’s this ‘209’ post supposed to be about…?

  2. Yes, we heard an intriguing rumour at Oakleaf. Has Jo told you? Can’t discuss online. The walls have nasty ears…

    He never intended to pay for that MA. It was an excuse to get you away from London and try to get you in a place where you had no support, no network of friends and only him to rely on. A way of getting you in a cage, basically. It backfired badly of course and not only did you make great friends but you moving up here meant I have my best friend nearby and through you have made friends with a wonderful extended pagan family! x

  3. As for the ‘taking someone away for the weekend’, any woman going into THAT situation with knowledge of what happened to you is a fool looking to self-harm in ways not directly involving knives, pills or rope. Let it happen. It will not end well. There is absolutely no possibility of anything ending well for HWSMBN or anyone connected to him until he fesses up to his actions and pays for them. He either pays with money or with karma; either way, he pays. I can’t imagine a happy retirement after years of blessings and real love for that one, can you? x

  4. Well, the MA is still not paid for, and I’m really going to struggle to do so now, despite working full-time…..goodness knows how I’m going to do the assignments though, with no PC to write them on really, and these are ones that can’t be deferred as they go to exam board the day after.

    Yes, more and more I think that it was a ruse to isolate me, and the reason he hated living in Dalston was that I WAS surrounded by my friends and family.

    That said,, as you say, if I hadn’t moved up here I wouldn’t have made so many fantastic friends, and my extended pagan family, and I wouldn’t have my best friends so far away, and of course, I’d never have met Mr A…… I am still happier staying at home with Mr A than travelling the world with someone else…….

    It’s just hard sometimes dealing with all the fallout. In myself, I’m so much happier than I have been for a long time, but it’s hard dealing with the material consequences when they reflect back on life and make things harder still, and I have no way of remedying them (which of course he knew when he did all this). They also reflect on people such as Andrea and Morgane, who really have no part in this…..

    I know what goes out comes back, but on the daily level it’s sometimes hard to deal with……. I know in myself that I did nothing to deserve this except tell the truth, but sometimes I feel that it’s a pyrrhic moral victory when I am, yet again, back at zero……. even though I know in the long term that someone who has dealt in so much misery will find it hard to find happiness, despite money on his side.

    ‘I am truly sorry’ is too easy to say, but I’m afraid that you have to mean it, or back it up with some concrete reparations…. You also have to admit that you were wrong, which he will never do.

    I know that in many ways I am a very lucky woman, surrounded by love and support, but there is only so much that you can ask from those around you. I am also a very independent woman, who provides for herself, and when someone takes away from this and takes you from carefully built sufficiency back to nothing, despite knowing what has already happened to you before, it still hurts.

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