The truth, the whole truth, and the price of the truth.

Truth can be a very expensive thing. It can cost you many things in life. All because you wish to tell the truth.

My first mistake was obviously telling my ex-boyfriend that I was unhappy and wanted to break up with him. I don’t like lies. Why did I want to break up with him? I was unhappy, he was making me unhappy, and ultimately he was making Morgane unhappy. I am not a miserable and mopey person, depite some of the shit that has happened to me over the years. I don’t do that sitting in a corner moping thing, there is no point. All it does is give a great big kick to whoever put you in that corner in the first place.

Why did he make me so unhappy? Simple answer, ownership. I do not belong to anyone unless I choose to belong to them, I am a person, not another possession. I need freedom, not to do nefarious things, but for my own sanity. I do not need obsession, someone following my every move, ringing, emailing, texting, sulking if I don’t answer…… I can’t cope with them having to be with me every moment of the day, their only hobby being me, their only friend being me.I need that social space, I need to interact with other people, not to hurt the person I am with, but for basic social interaction, conversation, learning…..development. There was also the never-ending wallowing in misery, the constant depression.

I felt that I was being slowly stifled, under a sugar-coated layer of ‘caring’ for me. Everything was about control, about doing what the other person wanted, with a price to pay if I dared to demur……for the world had to centre around them, what they wanted to do, how they wanted to do it, attempting to stuff me in a them-shaped mould………..

I had tried to talk, tried to discuss what I was thinking and feeling, but when somebody is on a me me me kick it just goes back to what they think, want and feel all the time.

So I tried to make a clean break for it, follow the courage of my convicitons, and do something to make myself happy for a change instead of always doing the right and good thing. Hell, I spent 7 years trying to change an alcoholic, bipolar Frenchman, I was used to it. but I decided that this couldn’t go on.

So I did the right thing and said I wanted it to be over……..

Contrary to everything posted on the internet, this was because I intended to be by myself with my own head, which I can just about cope with most of the time. According to my ex, this was probably because I had lined up the next ‘victim’ and none of it was therefore his fault or problem, I was just a two-timing slut…..

For everyone’s information, as I don’t like lies and never had done, yes I had TALKED to Mr A before the split. As a friend. Why? Because he listened. There was no ‘lining-up’ involved, and when everything came to a head at Nick and Wendi’s wedding, he was the one to pick up the pieces and the shoulder I cried on. He was the one who said ‘I think I do and have for a long time’, when I said ‘no-one will ever love me again’.

If there had not been such an adverse reaction to my whole idea to split up, and an unwillingness to talk, nothing would ever have happened. In 7 years with my ex-husband, I was never unfaithful. But when two people who like each other are pushed together in extremis, it will push them further together, and faster. With all that has happened in the last three weeks, Andrea and I have moved further and faster than would ever have happened otherwise. That is the truth, and one that I have paid dearly for in many ways. No nefarious activities, just the truth. is that a crime?

There is one thing though. This has made me realise even more what I have escaped, whatever the price, if that is the price of happiness, then I have paid it willingly.

This post has been modified at the request of the person concerned.

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13 Responses to “The truth, the whole truth, and the price of the truth.”

  1. Those of us who have seen what has happened over the last few weeks completely understand and are delighted to see you happy for a change

    Enjoy the now and embrace the future for while things may not be permanent (lets hope they are) for the time being they are are exactly what you and Morgane both need – CHAOTIC and above all else FUN

    People who criticise should take a look at themselves and ask would they have had the courage to walk away from a bad relationship with their head held high – You have nothing to be ashamed of – The only person that should be is your ex for the way he has behaved since the split

  2. I am enjoying the now, chaotic as it is….! And, despite everything that has happened, I am happier than I have been for years….

  3. I agree completely with Jo, which comes as no surprise to either of you. As does David. You’ve not only been happier than in a long time – no small feat given that your ex did all he could short of taking a knife to you to destroy your life by destroying nearly everything you owned – but you’ve also taken stock, grown stronger and made not just one decision for yourself but many more. And they keep on coming.

    I’ve always loved you as a friend for your unceasing devotion to the cause of our friendship, and your honesty, and your listening ear and your intelligent conversation. Anybody wishing to stamp on those qualities does not love you. I stand by what I have long thought and kept to myself as long as I could, which is that your ex never loved you. He sought to own you, like a washing machine or a CD player. You were a material possession to him, a thing to be controlled, the switches thrown when and only if it suited him.

    I thought little of him. I always thought of you together as something akin to a dark fairytale, The Princess and the Pig, something like that. I think far less of him now after what he’s done and yet I know you, that noble and self-sacrificing as well as determined part of you, loved him and I respect your capacity to love without fear, and now to reach out for love again.

    Through you of late, David and I have made new and wonderful friends (hello Jo et al!) and so we have much to be grateful for. In turn, you’ve had your choice of friends confirmed as wise, those friends proving not only their worth to you but their love.

    I’ve known you fifteen years – dear sweet Dolly was four years old when you and I met – and while we’ve both changed, some things have stayed constant, especially your core values of justice, your personal moral code, your willingness to break bread honestly and lovingly with those you care about.

    Your ex has much further to fall, and there are plenty of people wanting to push him but, for my part, I would rather see justice done than join in any petty and demeaning revenge other than doing the obvious, sensible and appropriate things like getting him barred from every pub he could go into without beating up once upon a time; like getting the police to get their fingers out and pursue that warrant for his arrest; like making sure anybody who helps him risks social exclusion themselves. To my mind, anyone wanting to help him would be better off placing their caring attentions on those who need care, the truly need and not the wilfully malicious.

    I am grateful myself right now for your love and support as I grieve like I have never in my life grieved before. You have no idea. Maybe you do, I don’t know but it doesn’t matter because you don’t need to know to be able to empathise. And you do. When I am torn and broken as now, it is good to know I have friends who don’t mind me being a mess; rather, friends who are content to be there for me while I walk through a dark and incredibly disconnected, lonely part of my life’s adventure.

    You’re there for me. I’m there for you. This is how all relationships are supposed to work. Your ex never understood that and it’s why he needs professional help and to pay for what he’s done. He won’t and can’t get that help from anyone we know.

    Much love always,
    Andy xx

  4. Thanks Andy,

    Astute as always. Yes, I think that I was compromising, not only my values and beliefs, but even my personality. I am not a depressive introvert, but a sociable failrly extrovert person, and I was being made into something else.

    I felt in danger of losing my whole being, our value systems were so widely disparate…… I have never wanted to be owned, merely to love and be loved, which I guess isn’t that much to ask in life…….

    With all the stuff that has happened, I am just lucky to have a personality that will eventually say no and reassert itself, and friends that have helped me through this…..

    I too have valued your friendship for years, you were an innocent (?) babe when I met you, and I know from you I have always heard the truth without an ulterior motive, as darling, you have never been interested in my knickers, nor I in yours….which is quite a rare friendship between a man and a woman. I have in the last few years come to know and love David as well, and you know I think that he is the best thing that ever happened to you….I count you both as my dearest friends, and I am glad you have also met other people through me whom you now count as friends….

    I know you are going through a lot at the moment with Dolly, but she is never far away. I have a feeling she may come back sooner than you expect….and I am always here for you and you know that.

    Much love always

    Claire x

  5. […] The truth, the whole truth, and the price of the truth. The truth, the whole truth, and the price of the truth. June 21st, 2006 at 2:51 pm (myself, family, violence, friends, events, creative writing…   « Diet |   […]

  6. Thank you. Those words mean a lot to both D and I, especially in relation to honesty, an increasingly rare commodity in the world.

    I have to ask, though you may wish to tell me at a later stage off-blog, what’s with the ‘this post has been modified at the request of the person concerned’? x

  7. By the way, looks like you got your first spam comment above. Congratulations! Welcome to the world of the long-term blogger. *ironic grin* x

  8. After a visit from the Police and two telephone calls, I have modified posts and comments. I have removed anything from them, and from the rest of my blog, whcih might identify my ex-partner. Unfortunately, despite this, he has not reopened the access to my email inboxes and profiles on other sites.

    This is unfortunate, as the sites which have been ‘modified’ by him carried my full name and personal email address, and I have in no way atrempted to ‘name and shame’ , list his personal details, or put personal, offensive, and untruthful comments about him. Despite my removal of any identifying feature, as specified in his text to me, he has not reopened my access.

    The police have said that I have done what was requested of me, I have invited them to read what is on here, and elsewhere, to verify this. As for what friends have written, I have requested any identifiers be removed, the Police agree that I cannot be expected to moderate the content of other people’s writing, as free speech is still a right, and I have no control over other people.

  9. It may not seem like it to those who know me, but but I was just like him once, jealous and possessive once and I was supposed to be in an open relationships. Took me a long time to learn .I lost two people because of it. Finally learned my lesson now i’m too bloody old.

  10. Ooooh, Khlari… It’s really bad blog etiquette to modify comments if made by persons other than yourself. It drags you into murky waters, because with comments the accepted rule is you either accept them or you don’t, in which case you delete them, say, as with spam. If it’s only your own responses, that’s fine in a netiquette sense but still…

    Have the police given him similar instructions to give back your email and other online accounts? If not, why not? If they have, he has not complied. What do they intend to do? If they intend to do nothing, did they intend to take no action against you? If they didn’t intend to, then you had no need to comply; if they did intend to take action against you and not him, why are they behaving in such an unfair way?

    This is all great copy for a news editor of any regional or national newspaper.

    For my part I’ve said nothing but the truth and know you have too. I haven’t read anyone else online saying anything but the truth, either. Of course people go to prison for telling the truth. Not usually, though sometimes, in this country but certainly not in light of what you’ve suffered.

    And Norm! Is that Norm from the pub? I take it that it is! You’re never too old to learn lessons or benefit from them, period! You may think life has passed you by in some regards, whatever they might be, but life is nothing if not surprising.

  11. The police to be honest, don’t know what they are up to. When I told them about what had been done to me on the net, they couldn’t be bothered, yet when my ex complained that I had written about him, they both called and phoned. Different rules?

    I was made to understand that they would pursue a comment about me in regard to my own blog if I had any identifiers in there…they did say that anything written on anyone else’s was not down to me though….

    I don’t know why they are being unfair about this……

    Jealousy possessiveness and obsessiveness are indeed negative attributes, answering Norm, and ones I try never to get dragged into…..Norm, you are brave to admit this, and brave to change. I have found that the path they normally lead down is one of self-destruction, and in this case…..it’s exactly that, he is destroying himself.

    How would I get a newspaper interested in all of this? I am hardly Jordan, do you think they would be interested? I’m hardly news really! I wouldn’t have the faintest idea about how to go about this either…..

    I am just aware I have told the truth and appear to be being censored and punished for this, and analysed by the police, while he has literally stolen my identity and posted mad lies about me all over the place, yet he does not……ironic.

  12. I’ve got to ask the obvious and say, have you pointed out their discrimination to them and made legal noises? You should.

    I am in complete agreement re@ Norm’s comments. Brave and honest, both great virtues in my book.

    You don’t have to be Jordan! Try a broadsheet, not The Daily Mail! And DO challenge the police because they cannot maintain such a lopsided stance because to do so risks their reputation in court and press! x

  13. You still haven’t said what I would need to do though!

    I can’t just ring them up, surely?

    As for the police, I can’t really afford to take them to court, and whatever I say they are either completely ignoring or taking as some kind of joke, they have ‘advised me to let it drop’…….

    But I’ve got to do something….

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