Archive for June, 2006

Another month older, another month wiser????

Posted in creative / writing, gothic, me and my world, morecambe on June 30, 2006 by Khlari

Here we are, end of the month, and what a month it has been…..something tells me that I will never forget June 2006, it’s obviously going to be one of those momentous, life-changing epochs……

Little did I think at the beginning of the months that by the end of it I would have moved from Lancaster to Morecambe, had my possessions destroyed or stolen, had dealings with the police, had a painful end to a relationship, ruined someone’s wedding reception, had the police turn up at my birthday party, be accused of harrassment, and started a new relationship…..

What an eventful few weeks….but not all negative. I have also learned about the value of true and lasting friends, the value of true gothicism of the heart, the value of freedom and liberty to do what I really think and feel, the aura of love and protection that comes through wishing no ill-will, and the bad karma that arises from vengefulness……

And I have so begun to love life again and seize it with both hands. Life is for living to the full, grabbing and saying yes, instead of hanging in the sidelines saying maybe and doing the ‘right’ thing.

I think I still live by my old maxim.

“Je ne regrette rien” (I regret nothing), but I might add a new one as well…”Carpe diem” (seize the day)

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Gagged and Bound??? or Named and Shamed??

Posted in me and my world on June 29, 2006 by Khlari

I just want to say a few words about liberty and free speech. As I have explained in some of my posts and comments, my relationship with my ex boyfriend has finished. I was going to leave it at that. Even when he destroyed or stole most ofmy possessions, I didn’t call him names, or post vitriolic or vindictive comments about him to this blog or anywhere else.

However, he told the police that I had done. Whereas he, in fact, was committing literal identity theft by going into all my email accounts and changing the passwords so I couldn’t get in, and posting offensive and potentially libellous comments about me on any public profiles that I have. He had also destroyed my PC so that I didn’t have easy access to any email facilities, whcih are limited at work.

After I received the police visit on my birthday (now would that have been planned?), and a text requesting all references to him be removed, I went through my entire blog, where he is now known as ex-boyfriend, and nothing else. The police phoned again last night, and I confirmed that this had been done, and gave them the web address should they wish to read it and confirm this, and the police confirmed that this was sufficient.

I have not been vindictive (though I could well have been considering what has happened), I could have put name, date of birth and embarrassing personal details on the web for everyone to see. But I didn’t.

I am not removing the story of what has happened though. This is part of my life, this is my experience, this is what I am going through and have been through and even according to the police this is legitimate material for my blog, should I choose to post it. It’s known as free speech and opinion, there is nothing slanderous or libellous within it, it is merely a retelling of events and the feelings associated with them.

Free speech is allowed, I am not lying or hurting anyone else, merely explaining things as they have happened to me, and all of this, luckily for the person concerned, has no link or identifying feature. All names have been changed to protect the guilty.

The police have also been told about comments on friends websites/blogs. This is a free country. The police even told me that I have no control over what other people write about this third person, that is between them and him.

And after all of this, my profiles still say (obviously I didn’t write this, because I couldn’t get in there) that they will be deleted when I have removed all offensive material. I didn’t want them deleted. They are mine, my identity, my intellectual property, and not someone else’s to delete at will.

I have not named and shamed, but neither will I be gagged and bound. Maybe the truth hurts.

The truth, the whole truth, and the price of the truth.

Posted in creative / writing, gothic, me and my world, morecambe, pagan on June 21, 2006 by Khlari

Truth can be a very expensive thing. It can cost you many things in life. All because you wish to tell the truth.

My first mistake was obviously telling my ex-boyfriend that I was unhappy and wanted to break up with him. I don’t like lies. Why did I want to break up with him? I was unhappy, he was making me unhappy, and ultimately he was making Morgane unhappy. I am not a miserable and mopey person, depite some of the shit that has happened to me over the years. I don’t do that sitting in a corner moping thing, there is no point. All it does is give a great big kick to whoever put you in that corner in the first place.

Why did he make me so unhappy? Simple answer, ownership. I do not belong to anyone unless I choose to belong to them, I am a person, not another possession. I need freedom, not to do nefarious things, but for my own sanity. I do not need obsession, someone following my every move, ringing, emailing, texting, sulking if I don’t answer…… I can’t cope with them having to be with me every moment of the day, their only hobby being me, their only friend being me.I need that social space, I need to interact with other people, not to hurt the person I am with, but for basic social interaction, conversation, learning…..development. There was also the never-ending wallowing in misery, the constant depression.

I felt that I was being slowly stifled, under a sugar-coated layer of ‘caring’ for me. Everything was about control, about doing what the other person wanted, with a price to pay if I dared to demur……for the world had to centre around them, what they wanted to do, how they wanted to do it, attempting to stuff me in a them-shaped mould………..

I had tried to talk, tried to discuss what I was thinking and feeling, but when somebody is on a me me me kick it just goes back to what they think, want and feel all the time.

So I tried to make a clean break for it, follow the courage of my convicitons, and do something to make myself happy for a change instead of always doing the right and good thing. Hell, I spent 7 years trying to change an alcoholic, bipolar Frenchman, I was used to it. but I decided that this couldn’t go on.

So I did the right thing and said I wanted it to be over……..

Contrary to everything posted on the internet, this was because I intended to be by myself with my own head, which I can just about cope with most of the time. According to my ex, this was probably because I had lined up the next ‘victim’ and none of it was therefore his fault or problem, I was just a two-timing slut…..

For everyone’s information, as I don’t like lies and never had done, yes I had TALKED to Mr A before the split. As a friend. Why? Because he listened. There was no ‘lining-up’ involved, and when everything came to a head at Nick and Wendi’s wedding, he was the one to pick up the pieces and the shoulder I cried on. He was the one who said ‘I think I do and have for a long time’, when I said ‘no-one will ever love me again’.

If there had not been such an adverse reaction to my whole idea to split up, and an unwillingness to talk, nothing would ever have happened. In 7 years with my ex-husband, I was never unfaithful. But when two people who like each other are pushed together in extremis, it will push them further together, and faster. With all that has happened in the last three weeks, Andrea and I have moved further and faster than would ever have happened otherwise. That is the truth, and one that I have paid dearly for in many ways. No nefarious activities, just the truth. is that a crime?

There is one thing though. This has made me realise even more what I have escaped, whatever the price, if that is the price of happiness, then I have paid it willingly.

This post has been modified at the request of the person concerned.

And a big thank you to all……

Posted in gothic, me and my world, morecambe, pagan on June 19, 2006 by Khlari

Some people may have been following my recent trials and tribulations…..I just want to thank my friends, both old and new of the Goth-Pagan-Gay Mafia who have been such a rock to me in the past couple of weeks……..they have given me support, mentally, physically and emotionally……..Andrea, Jo (PurpleDragon), Martin, Nick, Wendi, Andy (Spicy Cauldron), and David, and others from further away, Martin, Sasha, Sara……you all know who you are. It is at times like these that you realise who your true friends are, and I am lucky to have all these gorgeous individuals!

Hell hath no fury

Posted in creative / writing, gothic, me and my world, morecambe, pagan on June 16, 2006 by Khlari

Apologies to those of you have been trying to send me emails. My ex-boyfriend has closed all of my email addresses by changing passwords, has posted scurrilous (and untrue) comments about me all over on the net, as well as putting a stanley knife to all my clothes and shoes, stealing possessions he knew I particularly liked, and burning and destroying books. The ironic thing is that what he is accusing me of is actually untrue.

I purposely did not post any vitriolic comments about the split, I wanted to keep things amicable. It’s a pity other people can’t do the same.

This post has been modified at the request of the person concerned, there are now no names to identify the person concerned.

The Variable Blogger……..

Posted in creative / writing on June 14, 2006 by Khlari

Problem is, I now have no internet connection of my own, so to my faithful readers (all 2 of you), here's a warning that posts are likely to be intermittent for the foreseeable future………..

EliziumGothic is born…….

Posted in gothic on June 14, 2006 by Khlari

My friends Martha and Mia are now in possession of a super-spanking shiny new website of their very own. A super-gothic emporium for everything including clothes, accessories, furniture and murals…………….

 Take a look at:

http://www.eliziumgothic.com/shop/