And on a ‘lighter’ note (or maybe a blacker note!)

Some utter goth nonsense to cheer you (and me) up on a Friday afternoon.

I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.

I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."

I'm so goth, I don't say "black," I say "blahhwwwkkk."

I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.

goth #1: I'm so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me any cereal other than Count Chocula.goth #2: I'm so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula.

I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.

I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black–I bash them with a hammer.

I'm so goth I died and didn't notice.

I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.

I'm so goth, I'm not only "goth," but also "gothe" "goff" "gawth" "gauwth" "gothic" "gothik" "gothique" and "gawfickk" and soon I hope to be "gauewthickueu."

I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?"

I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.

goth #1: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied.goth #2: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW.goth #3: What's a smile?

I'm so goth I say things like "eternally yours in darkness" and "love and darkness" and "may the eternal darkness of the abyss enrapture and enshroud you in its infernal sickly sweet embrace."

I'm so goth I don't use fabric softener, because I like pain.

I'm so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my jewelry.

I'm so goth I'm the only REAL goth.

I'm so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed.

I'm so goth it takes me longer to get UNdressed.

I'm so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory.

I'm so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, "DEATH."

I'm so goth, in high school, all my papers were titled, "DEATH."

I'm so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator.

goth #1: I'm so goth I wonder if my dog's collar would look better on me.goth #2: I'm so goth I KNOW my dog's collar looks better on me.goth #3: I'm so goth I stole my dog's collar.

I'm so goth I ate a Happy Meal . . . because I like to live dangerous.

I'm so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance.

I'm so goth I don't take my medications, so I can be more goth.

I'm so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn't cry.

I'm so goth I make flowers wilt.

I'm so goth I like them better that way.

I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong.

I'm so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me.

I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs!

I'm so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror.

I'm so goth I have carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly putting the back of my hand to my forehead.

I'm so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear "Toccata and Fugue in D minor."

I'm so goth I listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus simultaneously at midnight in a graveyard sitting in a pentagram surrounded by candles . . . and oh, there's a full moon . . . and then I die. And then I come back to life. And then I die again . . . tragically.

I'm so goth I have actually seriously uttered the phrase, "the darkest dark of the dark darkness."

goth #1: I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse.goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a pulse.

I'm so goth I know what pvc stands for.

I'm so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling.

I'm so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than them.

I'm so goth tan lines are a sin.

I'm so goth the dark is scared of ME.

I'm so goth I know how to spell Siouxsie & The Banshees correctly.

I'm so goth I became a fisherman, just so I could use fishnets.

I'm so goth I sleep UNDER my bed.

I'm so goth, Robert Smith asked ME for my autograph.

I'm so goth I got a 12-pack of absinthe.

I'm so goth I don't eat gummy bears, I eat "glummy bears."

I'm so goth I spend every waking moment, every breath, in contemplation of Goth. The totality of my being is at one with the essence of Goth.

I'm so goth I dot my i's with frowny faces.

I'm so goth I call a smile a "concave frown."

I'm so goth that when I was a toddler, I didn't cry over spilled milk, I MOURNED it.

I'm so goth my skin would catch on fire if it were ever exposed to sunlight.

I'm so goth I make Happy Meals cry.

I'm so goth I spend hours deciding what shade of black to wear.

I'm so goth I shower with bleach instead of soap.

I'm so goth I have a fishnet umbrella.

I'm so goth I always complain because my blacks don't match.

I'm so goth that bats hang little plastic me's from their ceiling.

I'm so goth that if I go out in the sunlight with bare skin showing, people have to put on shades because of the reflection off my pale skin.

I'm so goth I have to wear sunglasses and sunscreen to look on the bright side.

I'm so goth that lightning strikes whenever I count things. MUH-HA-HA-HA!

I'm so goth that in kindergarten I sang "woe, woe, woe your boat…"

I'm so goth I have crushed velvet lawn chairs.
goth #1: I'm so goth I changed my name to Mystryss Darque Wintyr Nyght Rayn Ravyn.goth #2: I'm so goth I don't have a name. I'm just "goth."

I'm so goth all I do is sit around and talk about how goth I am.

I'm so goth I always use the word "goth" instead of "got."

I'm so goth every sentence I say has the word "goth" in it.

I'm so goth I'm the only person who understands what goth REALLY is, and I'm not telling you!

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